You don’t have to wait for marriage, or even for true love, but we are all giving it up a little too easily. Here are a few reasons why we should be waiting longer — even if that means a few more dates.
1. We have all become too desensitized to sex, there is very little about it left that is still special and “different.” With someone you really like, it’s important to feel those butterflies in the stomach before the first time.
2. When you have sex, you lose some of the mystery around the person, and everything becomes a little too real. Holding onto excitement can only draw things out.
3. You have your whole relationship (and, let’s be honest, your whole life) to have sex.
4. Keeping the physical out of the equation for a while makes it so that you have to get to know each other in terms of personality and intellect, without your opinion being clouded by what they look like naked.
5. Between smartphones and social media, we are used to instant gratification. Waiting and anticipation can be intense pleasures of their own, and only add to the eventual physical joy.
6. We have gone from “waiting until marriage” to “doing it on the first date is no big deal,” to the point that people in our society who choose to be virgins into adulthood are viewed as bizarre and like there is something wrong with them. There is no reason we have to be on either extreme.
7. Often we feel pressured to have sex quickly because we think it’s what makes us the most “normal,” even though we would really prefer to wait.
8. Anyone who is really interested in you in the long-term is going to be perfectly happy with waiting a little longer. If it’s a dealbreaker for them not to do it in the first few dates, they weren’t someone you should be seeing in the first place.
9. Romance and courtship still exist, even if we don’t remember it.
10. The better you know someone, the better the sex is, because you’re more comfortable and confident with yourself, and you are more able to communicate about what you both like.
11. There is no rule that says “you have to have X amount of sex in your 20s to really live,” even though there can definitely be the social pressure. Just because you haven’t had a certain amount of casual sex — or even one one-night stand — that doesn’t mean you’re missing out.
12. There is a difference between “saving yourself” and “having something special you don’t do right away.”
13. We are almost never the best versions of ourselves the first couple times we sleep with someone, it’s always best to have established a connection before you make that impression. Awkward sex is fine when you both like each other already.
14. Kissing is very underrated, and it’s even better when we drag them out instead of going straight to sex.
15. There are lots of other things we can do besides “regular” sex that can be very sexy and save a little something for later.
16. No one should go on a date “expecting” something, and yet that’s what has started happening in our society with a lot of young couples. We should forget the idea that anyone owes anyone something sexual after a certain number of dates or a certain amount of money.
17. There are different stages of a relationship, and sex can often make it get too serious too quickly.
18. Sex can make someone who is not good for us at all seem really interesting.
19. The hormones released during sex are the kind that cause feelings of connection, love, happiness, and closeness — it literally tricks our brain into imagining things are much deeper than they are, and that we have a special relationship with this person, even though it’s just sex.
20. There are other, even better ways to express affection.
21. In the end, the only person we are pleasing and proving anything to is ourselves. While you might want to get someone to like you more quickly, or to fit in better with your more sexually active friends, it’s important that you do things for you. I know a lot of girls, like me, aren’t as interested in sex without emotion — and there is nothing wrong with that. Emotional connections are extremely important, and we should embrace them just as much as we embrace sex!
image – JD Hancock
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