I am a patient and supportive and understanding man but am being pushed to the limit. She says she hates sitting with me on the sofa because all I think of is sex, with the same statement about going to bed at night. I am 61, not 18!
We have had many discussions about the lack of intimacy and sexuality in our lives. Interestingly, when I pour my heart out to her, she twist things around to be my fault.
Our marriage is in crisis. During our last discussion, she announced that I have to decide whether or not I want our marriage as it stands or to leave. Not much of a choice there.
She needs help but refuses to engage. She denies me at every opportunity and say she has no sex drive and isn't interested in sex.
I have tried all I can to resolve this problem and feel professional intervention is necessary. Every way I turn I am stonewalled and gas lighted into believing all will be fine. It won't.
I cannot continue like this. I cannot fill the void in her life. She says she is happy and content.
We still travel a great deal, eat at nice restaurants, go to the theater, etc., but it's all things, it's not life. Our foundation has crumbled. I love her wholeheartedly and do not understand what's going on.
On holiday last week, she paraded around in front of me naked, which is unusual to say the least, as if to torment me. You can look but you can't touch.
I'm going out of my mind with self doubt. I recognize that unless we resolve our problem, the marriage must end. When I voice that she becomes upset and asked why!
She is fully aware of my feelings for her, because I've told her. She says that puts her under pressure and she feels guilty. I told her to own that feeling as I haven't given it to her; it's her guilt.
On our wedding anniversary we were away from home and all she did was say her late husband would have loved our romantic walk and dinner, qualified by, you don't mind me saying do you?
I cannot and will not fill a dead man's shoes. I am a thoughtful, caring, generous and loving man who gets nothing in return.
My personality is changing from a calm and caring individual to an angry and temperamental man. That is not me.
I am convinced there is no one else, she has no time for that. I want the marriage to work and realize it's going to be an uphill struggle. I'm up for the challenge but can't do it alone. I am not the problem. I cannot fix her.
I have set myself a time limit and am planning to leave if we can't work things out. Am I right to leave?
As far as everyone, friends, family, etc. are concerned, we have a great and strong marriage and are very lucky to have found each other later on in life. All that seems to matter is what others think. I am at the stage now where I no longer want to conspire to deceive our families and friends.
I would ask for some input from you. I share this experience because I know I'm not alone. I'm reaching out to this community for help.
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