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INTJ relationships and dating

Top 10 Qualities INTJ Men Look For In Women

By Mindaugas Jaceris on August 22, 2016

It is important to note that the list below is based on opinion, and may vary from one INTJ to another. In addition, the list is intended for male readership, and may not take into account the opinions and preferences of female INTJs.

1. Intelligent

Most INTJ men will seek an intelligent partner – not necessarily one with a high IQ, but intelligent enough to participate in discussion and debates. INTJs enjoy talking about a wide variety of topics and want their ideas to be heard and appreciated. A lack of knowledge or experience in specific areas is not a deal-breaker; the more important thing is whether or not the woman is willing to learn new things and contribute to a discussion on that subject in the future. In short, intelligence is sexy.

2. Independent and Self-Confident

INTJs tend to be very independent, both mentally and socially. It is common for an INTJ man to feel that societal trends and moral norms are just ways of controlling people – and INTJs hate being controlled. Any woman attempting to control an INTJ man (with a barrage of texts demanding to know where they are at all times, with an overbearing social agenda, with access to his movies/food/clothes/internet) will be severely disappointed. Not only do INTJs not cope well with being controlled, but they need time alone to recoup from the world at large, and will guard this independence fiercely. INTJ men want to grow as a person with their partner, each helping the other to mature and learn as they make their own life choices. An INTJ relationship is one of mutual support and trust. 

3. Open-minded

INTJ men prefer discussions with open-minded women who have their own opinions, but understand that they can be opposed and questioned without being “wrong.” Despite the INTJ love for debates and arguments for this or that viewpoint, INTJs are willing to consider alternate ideas in order to improve their own. It’s important for an INTJ’s partner to be open-minded so she might contribute to productive and enlightening discussions. 

4. Emotionally Stable

INTJ men use Logic for everything, conflicts included. Conflicts are just puzzles that need to be solved, and emotions only get in the way and confuse the answer. In addition, many INTJs view emotions as outside their expertise and difficult to understand. (It’s much easier to understand the theory of emotions than the reality.) For this reason, INTJ men will usually look for an emotionally stable woman, one not prone to passionate/unpredictable outbursts (particularly in public). The better she is able to deal with stress without becoming overly emotional, the better.

5. Individual

Because INTJs hate pretense and fakery, an independent woman with her own thoughts and individuality is more attractive than one who depends on societal trends to tell her what she likes and dislikes. INTJs are very good at identifying the motivations behind people’s actions, and nothing is worse than a woman who pretends to be someone she isn’t. By hiding behind a social mask, that woman is showing that she isn’t happy with who she really is, and advertising that she’s not interested in discovering or understanding new things about herself or others.

6. Loyal

INTJs plan for the long-term. If a woman can’t be loyal, there’s no reason for an INTJ to invest the time and energy in becoming close to her. Loyalty also indicates some capacity to think logically, rather than blindly “following her heart.”

7. Humorous

Sarcasm is the INTJ’s first language. An INTJ’s partner must be able to understand sarcasm, not only for the sake of her own sanity but for the purpose of verbal sparring. One cannot enter a conversation with an INTJ and expect to escape unscathed if one cannot defend oneself. In addition, humor is an excellent tool for dealing with stressful situations, avoiding drama, and defusing conflict.  

8. Encouraging

It’s important that an INTJ’s partner encourages him, but this doesn’t mean that she should always agree with him. It means that she should acknowledge his opinions, support him in the pursuit of his goals, and let him know when he’s getting off-target. The simple presence of a supportive woman can be enough to motivate the INTJ toward his life goals.

9. Quirky

INTJs are uniquely aware of the mannerisms and idiosyncrasies that set them apart from others. These are characteristics, not problems, so should not be hidden or eliminated. If a woman has unusual habits, speech rhythms, or mannerisms, it’s far more interesting to an INTJ if she explains them than if she tries to hide them.

10. Attractive

Even INTJs require a certain level of physical attraction in order to maintain a romantic relationship. INTJ men generally prefer women who wear light or no makeup, as too much makeup gives the impression of a shallow understanding of beauty or generally low intelligence. It’s enough that the woman makes an effort to look nice for her partner, without fishing for compliments or attempting to seduce him. 


Grammar and punctuation errors eviscerated by Elle Taylor

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